Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
GET!
Get dirty. Get fucking filthy. Get poor. Get off your ass.
Get desperate. Get dangerous. Get vilified. Get Vile.
Get romantic. Get fucked. Get moving. Get productive.
Get pro-active. Get started. Get your own life, but respect others. Do something! Anything!
Adjust.
Because before you know it you're 40 with kids, a mortgage and responsibilities that cause your fun to come second.
So before cancer, before children, before 50 hour work weeks, before back and knee problems, before school loans, before you lose your sense of humor.
Believe.
Believe and live and run and smile. Smile because the older you get, the less you will.
Share.
Divvy up your believes. Other's are not as fortunate. Talk the word of your lord, but don't preach.. lead. Show how it's done.
So yes, "quit being such a fucking pussy," because bitching and whining and worry never made anything better. But most importantly don't forget to forgive...
Friday, May 28, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
HELP ME Cheeses!
So after a few days of mourning I finally cracked a truthful smile. Yes, I've laughed a few times before, but they were fake.. they were miserable attempts at hiding my feelings. This is the source of this mid-afternoon chuckle.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
iPhone Screenshot
So I just found out I could take screen-shots of my iPhone, Don't believe me? Just check it out for yourself.
It's simple just press the Home button and Sleep/Wake (On/Off) key at the top of the mobile device at the same time.
It's simple just press the Home button and Sleep/Wake (On/Off) key at the top of the mobile device at the same time.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
A letter to my daughters about weed
Today while surfing the net I stumbled on this blog posting on Marijuana by Dan Shapiro, and I have to say I found this rather interesting. Throughout my life I've always felt that I wasn't the "Parent" type of person and should never have any children. I've always thought that I would never live up to be what a "good parent" should be and therefore would never bring myself to procreation. Mr. Shapiro has just rapidly changed my mind on this matter, moments like these make me wish I had a child of my own so that I could share experiences remotely as touching as this. Sure to many this may not be a moment to cherish, I mean what really is so special about talking to your children about Weed right? Read his letter for yourself and let me know what you think...
Props to you Mr. Shapiro, If you were in front of me at this very moment I would shake your hand with the most utmost respect and tell you thank you! Yes, Thank you for sharing this very simple letter. This personal correspondence shows the extreme thought that you have put into parenting. I know that you are not alone and that there are millions of parents that also put this effort into their relationships with their children, I just hope one day I can also join this crowd.
Enjoy:
A letter to my daughters about weed
Pot. Herb. Ghanja. Dope. Mary Jane. Rope. Stink Weed. Ditch Weed. Sugar Weed. Wacky Weed. Sweet Lucy. Spliff. Cannabis. Marijiana. Weed.
Let’s talk about weed. A real talk, not one of those weed-is-evil-and-no-one you-know-has-ever-used and if you do it’s only a matter of time before you’re living under a bridge pushing a shopping cart (which, I will point out, would be incredibly difficult for you given the amount of clothing and other detritus you seem to have accumulated.)
I want to write you the truth because you already know the “no one has ever used” speech is crap and if I leave you to figure everything out on your own you’ll just ask your friends -- whose sum of information comes from only slightly less clueless older brothers and sisters or the internet – which is a three car garage stuffed by hoarders. There may be some truth buried in the internet about weed, but you’d have to clean off ferret droppings to find it. Why I, or any other parent, would leave on your own to think this through is beyond me because you lack the resources to get real information. So here goes. Just say no. Just kidding. Ha ha. Little parental humor for you there.
Anyway, a doctor/writer friend of some renown pointed out to me once that it’s completely natural to want to change your mental state. He asked, “why do you think little kids spin around or swing or jump around? They want to play with cognition, it’s completely normal.” He has a point. That he said this to me while he was, himself, at the moment, intoxicated is not relevant.
So it’s not crazy to want to experiment with your cognitive state.
And I know you’re curious – you told me you’ve already seen a few kids get booted from college and your old school for smoking weedand getting caught. So you’re probably thinking, “why would they risk getting kicked out of school unless that weed thing is fun?”
And you already know I wrote a book with “marijuana” in the title, so you’re aware that I’ve inhaled.
So here’s the bottom line.
There are three kinds of marijuana smokers.
Visitors. There are the ones that smoke occasionally and for whom it’s a visit to a strange place. They may spend time giggling, and likely eat too much food, and end up a bit paranoid. Maybe even “wicked” paranoid, as we used to say. They may have fun physical sensations and get disoriented about time – but nothing too far beyond their experience to be frightening, and then, the next day they probably feel wiped out, kind of down and have minor memory issues. They may even say to themselves, “that’s what all the excitement is about?”
Then there’s the Regulars. These tend to be folks for whom weed is an anti-anxiety medication. It soothes their worries, they see the world differently when they smoke, and they maintain function. They smoke all the time – they may even “wake an bake” which means smoking first thing in the morning instead of coffee. With the exception of the smoker’s hack – a cough -- and their crappy memory-- you can’t usually tell who these people are because they are entirely functional. I’ve known hikers and small plane pilots and teachers who smoke regularly and seem to pull it off (though I wish I’d never met the pilot because I wasn’t trustworthy even with a popcorn popper when stoned but that story is for some other time).
But some of them convert to a third type.
Stoners. These are folks whose lives have slowed, and then stopped. For them, smoking weed results in gravity turning up -- it takes enormous effort for them to do anything, so they don’t. Ambition – even once fierce ambition -- evaporates and a creeping sadness replaces it. They sleep too much, hygiene sucks, they can’t remember what they did yesterday even though it’s exactly the same as what their doing today -- and they begin to look like a BEFORE photograph in some twisted makeover reality show.
Oh yeah, Bus-Riders. Okay, right, there’s a fourth type too -- for a small number of people, weed is just a bus stop on the quick road to harder, more immediately dangerous stuff, but you and I aren’t talking about heroin or cocaine or PCP or their latest derivatives because it’s the same as jumping in front of a car, only slightly less efficient. Oh, by the way, if I catch you with that stuff – or prescriptions – I’ll take you to the police myself, and when you get out you will find that I’ve taken everything out of your room including your door and bed – and you’ll slowly earn them back over the next year with meetings and drug tests. Doubt. Me Not.
OOooops, sorry, I got lost there in my own horrid little parental fantasy. Where were we? Oh yeah. Weed.
Unfortunately, before you inhale from your first joint, it’s impossible to know which group you’ll be in. Everyone thinks they’ll be a visitor the first time, but you never know. You’ll notice I haven’t even mentioned getting kicked out of school, driving when stoned, or other legal outcomes – just pay attention in your own world and you’ll notice the consequences yourself.
But of course, no matter what you decide. I’ll be here. If you ever need me, you just call and I’ll come get you, no matter where you are or how high you are.
And I’ll try to remember not to tweak you out by taking advantage of your paranoia when I get there.
Props to you Mr. Shapiro, If you were in front of me at this very moment I would shake your hand with the most utmost respect and tell you thank you! Yes, Thank you for sharing this very simple letter. This personal correspondence shows the extreme thought that you have put into parenting. I know that you are not alone and that there are millions of parents that also put this effort into their relationships with their children, I just hope one day I can also join this crowd.
Enjoy:
A letter to my daughters about weed
Pot. Herb. Ghanja. Dope. Mary Jane. Rope. Stink Weed. Ditch Weed. Sugar Weed. Wacky Weed. Sweet Lucy. Spliff. Cannabis. Marijiana. Weed.
Let’s talk about weed. A real talk, not one of those weed-is-evil-and-no-one you-know-has-ever-used and if you do it’s only a matter of time before you’re living under a bridge pushing a shopping cart (which, I will point out, would be incredibly difficult for you given the amount of clothing and other detritus you seem to have accumulated.)
I want to write you the truth because you already know the “no one has ever used” speech is crap and if I leave you to figure everything out on your own you’ll just ask your friends -- whose sum of information comes from only slightly less clueless older brothers and sisters or the internet – which is a three car garage stuffed by hoarders. There may be some truth buried in the internet about weed, but you’d have to clean off ferret droppings to find it. Why I, or any other parent, would leave on your own to think this through is beyond me because you lack the resources to get real information. So here goes. Just say no. Just kidding. Ha ha. Little parental humor for you there.
Anyway, a doctor/writer friend of some renown pointed out to me once that it’s completely natural to want to change your mental state. He asked, “why do you think little kids spin around or swing or jump around? They want to play with cognition, it’s completely normal.” He has a point. That he said this to me while he was, himself, at the moment, intoxicated is not relevant.
So it’s not crazy to want to experiment with your cognitive state.
And I know you’re curious – you told me you’ve already seen a few kids get booted from college and your old school for smoking weedand getting caught. So you’re probably thinking, “why would they risk getting kicked out of school unless that weed thing is fun?”
And you already know I wrote a book with “marijuana” in the title, so you’re aware that I’ve inhaled.
So here’s the bottom line.
There are three kinds of marijuana smokers.
Visitors. There are the ones that smoke occasionally and for whom it’s a visit to a strange place. They may spend time giggling, and likely eat too much food, and end up a bit paranoid. Maybe even “wicked” paranoid, as we used to say. They may have fun physical sensations and get disoriented about time – but nothing too far beyond their experience to be frightening, and then, the next day they probably feel wiped out, kind of down and have minor memory issues. They may even say to themselves, “that’s what all the excitement is about?”
Then there’s the Regulars. These tend to be folks for whom weed is an anti-anxiety medication. It soothes their worries, they see the world differently when they smoke, and they maintain function. They smoke all the time – they may even “wake an bake” which means smoking first thing in the morning instead of coffee. With the exception of the smoker’s hack – a cough -- and their crappy memory-- you can’t usually tell who these people are because they are entirely functional. I’ve known hikers and small plane pilots and teachers who smoke regularly and seem to pull it off (though I wish I’d never met the pilot because I wasn’t trustworthy even with a popcorn popper when stoned but that story is for some other time).
But some of them convert to a third type.
Stoners. These are folks whose lives have slowed, and then stopped. For them, smoking weed results in gravity turning up -- it takes enormous effort for them to do anything, so they don’t. Ambition – even once fierce ambition -- evaporates and a creeping sadness replaces it. They sleep too much, hygiene sucks, they can’t remember what they did yesterday even though it’s exactly the same as what their doing today -- and they begin to look like a BEFORE photograph in some twisted makeover reality show.
Oh yeah, Bus-Riders. Okay, right, there’s a fourth type too -- for a small number of people, weed is just a bus stop on the quick road to harder, more immediately dangerous stuff, but you and I aren’t talking about heroin or cocaine or PCP or their latest derivatives because it’s the same as jumping in front of a car, only slightly less efficient. Oh, by the way, if I catch you with that stuff – or prescriptions – I’ll take you to the police myself, and when you get out you will find that I’ve taken everything out of your room including your door and bed – and you’ll slowly earn them back over the next year with meetings and drug tests. Doubt. Me Not.
OOooops, sorry, I got lost there in my own horrid little parental fantasy. Where were we? Oh yeah. Weed.
Unfortunately, before you inhale from your first joint, it’s impossible to know which group you’ll be in. Everyone thinks they’ll be a visitor the first time, but you never know. You’ll notice I haven’t even mentioned getting kicked out of school, driving when stoned, or other legal outcomes – just pay attention in your own world and you’ll notice the consequences yourself.
But of course, no matter what you decide. I’ll be here. If you ever need me, you just call and I’ll come get you, no matter where you are or how high you are.
And I’ll try to remember not to tweak you out by taking advantage of your paranoia when I get there.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
An Entomologist’s Last Love Letter
dear samantha
i’m sorry
we have to get a divorce
i know that seems like an odd way to start a love letter but let me explain:
it’s not you
it sure as hell isn’t me
it’s just human beings don’t love as well as insects do
i love you.. far too much to let what we have be ruined by the failings of our species
i saw the way you looked at the waiter last night
i know you would never DO anything, you never do but..
i saw the way you looked at the waiter last night
did you know that when a female fly accepts the pheromones put off by a male fly, it re-writes her brain, destroys the receptors that receive pheromones, sensing the change, the male fly does the same. when two flies love each other they do it so hard, they will never love anything else ever again. if either one of them dies before procreation can happen both sets of genetic code are lost forever. now that… is dedication.
after Elizabeth and i broke up we spent three days dividing everything we had bought together
like if i knew what pots were mine like if i knew which drapes were mine somehow the pain would go away
this is not true
after two praying mantises mate, the nervous system of the male begins to shut down
while he still has control over his motor functions
he flops onto his back, exposing his soft underbelly up to his lover like a gift
she then proceeds to lovingly dice him into tiny cubes
spooning every morsel into her mouth
she wastes nothing
even the exoskeleton goes
she does this so that once their children are born she has something to regurgitate to feed them
now that.. is selflessness
i could never do that for you
so i have a new plan
i’m gonna leave you now
i’m gonna spend the rest of my life committing petty injustices
i hope you do the same
i will jay walk at every opportunity
i will steal things i could easily afford
i will be rude to strangers
i hope you do the same
i hope reincarnation is real
i hope our petty crimes are enough to cause us to be reborn as lesser creatures
i hope we are reborn as flies
so that we can love each other as hard as we were meant to.
i’m sorry
we have to get a divorce
i know that seems like an odd way to start a love letter but let me explain:
it’s not you
it sure as hell isn’t me
it’s just human beings don’t love as well as insects do
i love you.. far too much to let what we have be ruined by the failings of our species
i saw the way you looked at the waiter last night
i know you would never DO anything, you never do but..
i saw the way you looked at the waiter last night
did you know that when a female fly accepts the pheromones put off by a male fly, it re-writes her brain, destroys the receptors that receive pheromones, sensing the change, the male fly does the same. when two flies love each other they do it so hard, they will never love anything else ever again. if either one of them dies before procreation can happen both sets of genetic code are lost forever. now that… is dedication.
after Elizabeth and i broke up we spent three days dividing everything we had bought together
like if i knew what pots were mine like if i knew which drapes were mine somehow the pain would go away
this is not true
after two praying mantises mate, the nervous system of the male begins to shut down
while he still has control over his motor functions
he flops onto his back, exposing his soft underbelly up to his lover like a gift
she then proceeds to lovingly dice him into tiny cubes
spooning every morsel into her mouth
she wastes nothing
even the exoskeleton goes
she does this so that once their children are born she has something to regurgitate to feed them
now that.. is selflessness
i could never do that for you
so i have a new plan
i’m gonna leave you now
i’m gonna spend the rest of my life committing petty injustices
i hope you do the same
i will jay walk at every opportunity
i will steal things i could easily afford
i will be rude to strangers
i hope you do the same
i hope reincarnation is real
i hope our petty crimes are enough to cause us to be reborn as lesser creatures
i hope we are reborn as flies
so that we can love each other as hard as we were meant to.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Psalm 118
21 I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
22 The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone;
23 the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
24 This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
you have become my salvation.
22 The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone;
23 the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
24 This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Annabel Lee
It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.
I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea:
But we loved with a love that was more than love -
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.
And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her high-born kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.
The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me -
Yes! that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud one night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.
But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we -
Of many far wiser than we -
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling -my darling -my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea -
In her tomb by the sounding sea.
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.
I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea:
But we loved with a love that was more than love -
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.
And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her high-born kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.
The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me -
Yes! that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud one night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.
But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we -
Of many far wiser than we -
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling -my darling -my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea -
In her tomb by the sounding sea.
If only...
If I could take back this entire year I would.
Every second of it, except..
The few minutes she hugged me and really meant it, those 5 minutes that she held me and that I truly felt her love. I felt her heart beat on my chest and her breath by my shoulder.
I would take it all back!
Every word I said, except..
All the I love you's.
I would keep those, because they were sincere.
I would take it all back!
Every second of it, except these few moments where I wasn't alone.
I miss her. :(
Every second of it, except..
The few minutes she hugged me and really meant it, those 5 minutes that she held me and that I truly felt her love. I felt her heart beat on my chest and her breath by my shoulder.
I would take it all back!
Every word I said, except..
All the I love you's.
I would keep those, because they were sincere.
I would take it all back!
Every second of it, except these few moments where I wasn't alone.
I miss her. :(
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Generic Love Poem
By far my favorite poem of ALL time.
This poem came to me by ..... accident / when I needed it most / By an Act of God
It made me ..... Cry / Smile / Wanna die
Generic Love Poem
by Kirsty MacDonald
Call a ..... doctor/ plumber/ priest
My heart is ..... broken/ leaking/ deceased
My life is ..... worthless/ so much better/ over
I'm going to ..... kill myself/ tell your wife/ Dover
How could you ..... leave me/ not know/ lie?
I hope you ..... return my stuff/ come back/ die
I'll never ..... forget you/ forgive you/ go away
I need ..... closure/ a DNA test/ to tell you I'm gay
Your ..... face/ crotch/ top of your back
Is so ..... beautiful/ lumpy/ unusually slack
Your ..... ex/ mother/ best friend from school
Always made me ..... great coffee/ feel inadequate/ drool
I will ..... miss you/ kill you/ stalk you forever
That way we ..... can be friends/ get away with it/ be together
I'm sorry ..... you did this/ I did this /we failed
I promise to ..... pay you/ dye it back/ get you bailed
Please don't ..... leave me/ show the Polaroids/ write or call
(*delete as appropriate, just delete it all.....)
This poem came to me by ..... accident / when I needed it most / By an Act of God
It made me ..... Cry / Smile / Wanna die
Generic Love Poem
by Kirsty MacDonald
Call a ..... doctor/ plumber/ priest
My heart is ..... broken/ leaking/ deceased
My life is ..... worthless/ so much better/ over
I'm going to ..... kill myself/ tell your wife/ Dover
How could you ..... leave me/ not know/ lie?
I hope you ..... return my stuff/ come back/ die
I'll never ..... forget you/ forgive you/ go away
I need ..... closure/ a DNA test/ to tell you I'm gay
Your ..... face/ crotch/ top of your back
Is so ..... beautiful/ lumpy/ unusually slack
Your ..... ex/ mother/ best friend from school
Always made me ..... great coffee/ feel inadequate/ drool
I will ..... miss you/ kill you/ stalk you forever
That way we ..... can be friends/ get away with it/ be together
I'm sorry ..... you did this/ I did this /we failed
I promise to ..... pay you/ dye it back/ get you bailed
Please don't ..... leave me/ show the Polaroids/ write or call
(*delete as appropriate, just delete it all.....)
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Down Again
I've been pushed down so many times
I feel this time will be the last
as I lay here fading
my thoughts are invaded by memories of my past
I feel the pressures of shame and rejection building
as I lay here on the floor
I have no strength to get up
I'm not worth it any more
- Anonymous
I feel this time will be the last
as I lay here fading
my thoughts are invaded by memories of my past
I feel the pressures of shame and rejection building
as I lay here on the floor
I have no strength to get up
I'm not worth it any more
- Anonymous
Sunday, April 18, 2010
My fault, through my most grievous fault
Until just recently I felt alone, this of course was with great cause. This came with my fault, pain that I brought upon myself. However, I neglected to see the reality of it all. We are not alone, for once we chose to have our Lord Jesus as our Savior we cannot be alone. He is is my benefactor, the reason I a am here and will continue to be here.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Catholic ASS!
I received this as an email today and I though I would share it... I lmao', I hate spamming your mailboxes with this stuff so I rather blog it instead, here it is:
The Pastor's Ass
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Famous Sexual Quotes
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
* Tom Clancy
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex?...... Me neither."
* Steve Martin
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
* Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
* Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."
* Lynn Lavner
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
* George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
* Sharon Stone
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
* Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
* Barbara Bush
"Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
* Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
* Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. ! Men just need a place."
* Billy Crystal
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
* Dustin Hoffman
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
* Rod Stewart
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
* Robin Williams
* Tom Clancy
"You know "that look" women get when they want sex?...... Me neither."
* Steve Martin
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
* Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
* Rodney Dangerfield
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."
* Lynn Lavner
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
* George Burns
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
* Sharon Stone
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
* Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
* Barbara Bush
"Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
* Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
* Roseanne
"Women need a reason to have sex. ! Men just need a place."
* Billy Crystal
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
* Dustin Hoffman
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
* Rod Stewart
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
* Robin Williams
10 Important Facts about Life.
Today while surfing the net I have learned 10 of the most surprising medical facts for you to consider while going about your daily chores:
1) No-one in the entire world can touch all their own teeth with their tongue.
2) Mad people everywhere are now trying this.
4) You've just tried, and discovered this to be untrue.
5) Now you're sitting there with a crazed smile on your face.
5) Bet you didn't notice that I'd skipped number 3!
6) And now you've gone back to check.
7) Bet you didn't notice that I'd skipped number 6 either.
8) Fooled again...
9) Bet you didn't notice that number 5 appears twice!
10) Now that hopefully you've got a smile on your face, remember that that's what it's all about, and go back to your daily chores...
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1) No-one in the entire world can touch all their own teeth with their tongue.
2) Mad people everywhere are now trying this.
4) You've just tried, and discovered this to be untrue.
5) Now you're sitting there with a crazed smile on your face.
5) Bet you didn't notice that I'd skipped number 3!
6) And now you've gone back to check.
7) Bet you didn't notice that I'd skipped number 6 either.
8) Fooled again...
9) Bet you didn't notice that number 5 appears twice!
10) Now that hopefully you've got a smile on your face, remember that that's what it's all about, and go back to your daily chores...
POST! Comment? Subscribe.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Sunday, February 28, 2010
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